Do you ever feel that all the good things happen to everyone else except you? Do you ever feel that you spend your time struggling for what you want, whilst it comes pretty easily to the people around you? Do you just want a job that you love, a partner that cherishes you and a home that you’re proud of more than anything else? Well, I am here to say that it is totally possible with some insight and work to alter the way you see your world.
Words by YK Daily's resident life coach Amira Mansour @the_communicationexpert
So, how do you shift from the feeling that you don’t have enough, (whether that’s money, love, knowledge or something else,) to a deep knowing within yourself that you are worthy of what you really want? Your outer world is a reflection of your inner state, and the beliefs that you hold help manifest your reality.
Does this excite you, scare you, or leave you contemplating your life? Whatever the feeling is, it all comes down to your mindset. Your mindset determines whether you live a life where you believe you‘re abundant, or whether it’s a life that’s filled with fear, and constantly feeling that you have to chase more to have more and be more.
So let’s start by taking a look at the negative things you’re telling yourself. Which ones of these sounds the most familiar? “The good ones are always taken,” “I’ll never get that promotion,” “I can’t afford it,” “I’ll always be this way,” or maybe it's, “I feel that I’m not doing enough”.
Something I get asked a lot is ‘how can I stop having negative thoughts, or saying negative things about myself, in order to prevent this becoming my reality?’ So let’s clear this up because it’s a very valid question. You are completely allowed to say and think negative things about yourself. Our brains are hardwired to think negatively for survival, so if you keep beating yourself up for having these negative thoughts, you’re not really recognising that it’s your brains natural way of doing things. Having these negative thoughts or beliefs doesn’t mean you won’t be able to manifest or cultivate the life that you want. However, if you choose not to be aware of the negative self-talk and beliefs, you allow this way of thinking to become a habit, then this is when they’ll have power over you, starting to affect your outer world.
Identifying your negative self-talk is a great tool to check in and see whether you're stuck in a scarcity mindset. Sometimes, the mean, hurtful things we say to ourselves are on autopilot, and we’re not even aware of what we’re actually saying. It’s like playing a Spotify playlist, you know you’ve been listening for the last half an hour, but you can’t actually recall the songs that just played, or the lyrics to the song.
What does having a scarcity mindset actually mean, and is this how you’re currently choosing to live your life? In this zone, not only do you feel there’s not enough in the world, and not only do you not feel enough, but you also view another person winning as a loss for you. This is because in your mind, with your filters of how you see the world, there isn’t enough abundance for everyone, it’s limited and scarce. So if someone else wins, it’s essentially taking something away from you.
Another huge element of having a scarcity mindset is the competitive element, and I don’t mean in a good way. It’s the feeling that you need to compete and perhaps even hoard resources such as money, because there’s a need to look after your own interests first. And as you can imagine over time, it makes life difficult for you and the people around you. So let me give you 3 examples of an abundant mindset over a scarcity one:
Example 1
Scarcity: “I’ll never get the promotion at work. I’m so undervalued”.
Abundant: “I have the skills and will use my strengths to work towards the promotion I deserve".
Example 2
Scarcity: “I don’t have enough money and find it so hard to do everything I want”.
Abundant: “I’m grateful for the money I already have and appreciate what I can do. I’m open to new financial opportunities that I may not have considered yet”.
Example 3:
Scarcity: “Why are all of my friends happy in relationships and I’m the only one that can’t find someone”.
Abundant: “I’m happy to see my friends in loving relationships and I’m working on enjoying dating and doing it in a way that feels good for me”.
In the words of neuroscientist Tara Swart, “We’re 2.5 times more likely to want to NOT lose something, then we are to want to gain something,” and this is because of the way our brains have evolved/been wired for survival. Although it is possible to change your mindset; look at it as a practice that you commit to and keep coming back to, rather than seeing it as a one off kind of thing. Here’s my 3 steps to help you shift that mindset from one of scarcity, to one of abundance…
Step 1- Know Your Strengths
I truly believe that we spend too much of our focus on developing our weaknesses rather than knowing our strengths and harnessing these. Being able to identify your strengths gives you the ability to build your confidence, value yourself and understand that everyone has their individual gifts to offer.
Whilst I don’t think we should just simply focus on improving our weaknesses, it is important to acknowledge them. Living with a scarcity mindset will probably mean you’d rather suppress them. However, the goal is to give yourself permission to make mistakes, refrain from blaming others and not allow your negative thoughts to spiral out of control.
Step 2 - Retrain Your Brain
It is possible to retrain your brain from the negative thought patterns and unhelpful beliefs that have become habitual as you’ve grown up. In order to do this, you need to be able to identify the exact things you’re saying to yourself. I suggest that my clients keep a diary for 7 days to track their dialogue. When is this showing up and what’s triggering you? Once you’ve identified the negative thoughts and statements, write an alternative statement that you can replace this with, then each time the negative thought enters your brain, choose the reframed version instead. This is something you’ll want to commit to until you’ll start to feel that it’s almost natural to think from a place of abundance.
Step 3 - Visualise Your Potential
Research supports the power of visualising, and how it can radically improve your life. Athletes are well known for adopting this practice, to not only visualise winning a race but to also visualise their training going well too. Take time out of your week to visualise yourself living an abundant life. What does this look and feel like? Does it mean getting a promotion in order to give you freedom with your time and how you spend it? Are you visualising sharing your life with someone you love and respect. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what isn’t. And so the more you can practice feeling abundant, the more likely your body and brain will be able to deal with it when it happens!
Cultivating an abundant mindset doesn’t mean you’ll never have another problem in your life. It doesn’t mean that you won’t face obstacles. But it does mean you’ll be able to look at these challenges and tests in a different way, and know that you have the ability and resilience to navigate them.
Take this further and join Amira’s next masterclass Bossing Your Boundaries. If you can’t make it live, catch up in your own time here.
If you want to hear more from Amira aka The Communication Expert, then check out her podcast OPEN UP. You can listen on Soundcloud, Spotify, and here on Apple.
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